I woke up this morning and drove home from Ames. Man, I got really piss drunk. Not near as drunk as Andyram, who narrowly escaped the long cock of the law once again, but drunk nonetheless.
So, on my drive home, I decided I’d do a post every Sunday called “The Hangover.” Mostly because I have a friend from high school who looks a lot like Zach Galifinakis, but also because I feel like we need to review what happened over the weekend.
1) FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES. 35-3. Epic fucking pwnage all afternoon. Ricky Stanzi wasn’t “the manzi” that we’ve been hoping for – but I’ll take 4 TDs every weekend.
2)My name is Tyler Sash and I fucking rule.
IMAGE FROM DES MOINES REGISTER.
How’s the view down there, Austin Ar-fraud? Sash picked off three passes and caused a fumble during the route. Sash only makes big plays in big games all the fucking time, so not a big sur…yeah, I was surprised. He actually had more receiving yards than any of the ISU receivers.
3) FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES
4) Hi, I’m Brandon Wegher. Watch me catch this ball with 1 hand, run for a c-note and a TD, and then service your mother behind the local McDonalds.
Wegher set my pants on fire with his performance yesterday. Andyram would have loved it, but he was passed out on the bus from a Jaeger-induced coma. The girls from the Daily Iowan took a bunch of pictures from atop the Hawkize-mobile, and fun was shared all around. I also belted out a roaring rendtion of “In Heaven, There Are No Queers,” to the faggots giving us shit at our tailgate. They left early. Probably to go fuck each other.
5) Ames, Iowa is the worst place in the world.
/nfm
6) To the Iowa State fans who wore the “Choke: The Official Drink of Iowa Football”…..
Suck my dick. That’ll give you something to choke on.
7) ESPN’s Bruce Feldman has new bowl projections up.
Where’s Iowa going? Pasadena? Miami? I need a tan. I hope so. Well, let’s pull up this link. Survey says… WHAT IN THE FLYING CLUSTERFUCK SHIT BALLS IM GOING TO KILL THIS GUY FOR HAVING THIS OPINION EVEN THOUGH HE’S COMPLETEY ENTITLED TO IT GOD DAMNIT I HATE TIM BREWSTER
No bowl, there, Bruce? Someone’s mad that his wife got fucked in a Metrodome bathroom.
8) FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES
Leading up to the game, Paul Rhoads said that he loved this rivary (I listened to him say this exact word: Riv-a-ree, three fucking times. Enunciate, you piece of shit!) because it was “competitively friendly,” or something gay to that effect. I thought that sounded a lot like something you’d find in a personal if you were bi-curious. Anyway, I was browsing the personal ads this morning (Who isn’t looking for love, come on?) and came across an suspicious one…
Who wants some, Ladies?
9) I am going to try out for quarterback at ISU next year.
- Just kidding. They couldn’t afford me.
10) Looking on to Arizona..
I want to hate Arizona. I hate every team Iowa plays. Except..I just can’t quit you, Lute.
LUTE LUTE LUTE
-Make sure to tune into our Podcast when we get around to doing it. I do believe it will be funny, kind readers. With that, I leave you with this. ON IOWA…GO HAWKS!
MINE MINE MINE
