Forgive me if I ramble – I’m still drunk.
You see, I was going to stay sober for the game. Then I drank around 40 beers instead and went comatose. Following Iowa’s 27-17 smackdown of Arizona, I headed over to Short’s in Iowa City (if you didn’t know, it’s owned by Nate Kaeding) with Andyram and Colestal.
A Hawkeye fan sitting next to me who had flown up to the game from Phoenix mentioned something about the ASSASHINATOR, a nickname the Phoenix I-Club gave to Tyler Sash after his interceptionfest last week at Iowa State. I picked my head up off the bar AND HOLY SHIT BEST NICKNAME EVER GOD DAMNIT.
The ASSASHIN is COMING TO PENNNN STATE!
After coming to the next day between the Vikings slaughter of the Lions and the Ochocinco’s Lambeau Leap, I decided THE ASSASHIN was a better choice because assisnator isn’t really a word. Either way, kudos to you, Phoenix I-Club. You will receive absolutely nothing in return except for this small mention and one bag of peanuts at my discretion.
Without further adieu, here’s my hangover post for the week. Literally, my head is getting pounded harder than Jenna Jamison on downers.
1) FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES
- Tyler Sash had one pick and got bored and dropped another one on purpose as the Hawks rolled. Pretty Ricky didn’t look so pretty in the first quarter, but I’m pretty sure that’s because he has a High Life Beer Helmet on for the first quarter every week. Either way, I’ll take a win.
2) Anyone seen my cape?
I’d link the photo, but I’m lazy. Adam Robinson decided he’d play this weekend and racked up two diving superduperman scores and 101 yards (the same amount that teammate Brandon Wegher ran for against I Screwed Up last weekend). Wegher also had a touchdown. We’re taking suggestions on a nickname for Wegher. So far, I have “White Lightening,” in the lead – but that’s a little redundant. All lightening is white.
3) FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES
NFM
4) College Gameday is coming to PENNN STATE
LEMME HEAR YA HAWKEYES!
Corso, get your Herkey Helmet ready. I’ll post more about Piss State later. Norm Parker is calling – he wants to meet me at Dublin Underground to drink fifty pints of Guinness.
5) Iowa is still not ranked.
Big deal. Wait, BIG DEAL IS RIGHT. Well, at least no one is arbitrarily ranked higher than Iowa for no WAIT WASHINGTON?111? HOLY SHIT I AM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU ALL.
I really don’t care. But, Washington, AP? HOUSTON? Fuck it, rank Kent State. I don’t care.
6) Speaking of Kent State..
You’ll have a permanent spot on Andyram’s shitlist for pulling that shit on Saturday. Not only did you lose to IOWA STATE at HOME, you did it in front of FIVE PEOPLE. Then again, I’m sure the crowd was a little scared to show up when they heard the Ohio National Guard was doing “Crowd Control.”
Fall in line, Golden Flashes.
7) Bruce Feldman over der’ at dat’ ESPN STILL has Iowa missing a bowl.
This agreesion, it will not stand, man. Are you on meth? I heard they’re sneaking it intoIowa using 2 litre bottles of Mountain Dew now. I bet you’re doing so much that you couldn’t see Iowa winning THREE OF THEIR LAST NINE GAMES, RIGHT? Five of which are at HOME? And against some fucking powerhouses like NORTHWESTERN?
Bruce, I’m gonna say it. Put Iowa in the BCS Title Game in your next projections or I’m going to…going to….send a really mean email to the U.N. about you. You’ve been warned. Don’t be surprised if Kofi Annonymous calls you demanding answers.
8) Nice grab, JoePa!
nfm
You kids and your tweeter twitter thingamabober..
9) I’m out of things to talk about.
Okay, so a lot of people asked about Hawkize.com this weekend and wondered what we’re all about.
We came to a consensus that we’ll tell people from here on out that we’re NOT a legitimate news service. I make a LOT of things up. I photoshop a LOT of pictures. Our rankings, while we consider them completely justifiable and accurate, are not respected.
Basically, if you’re looking for a two-deep, go to Google. If you want to laugh, come here.
We’ll be back tomorrow or later today with the 10-4, the Hawkize podcast we recorded before the Arizona game but got far too drunk to post, and other musings and ramblings.
ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!
