It’s been too long. Sorry.
I’ll start off with a list of excuses. First, I was drunk perpetually from Friday evening until now. See, Mikehawk here is a big Twins fan. And, as you know, the Twins were swept out of the playoffs by the motherfucking New York Yankees. Well, this upset me, and in true Joe Nathan style, I grabbed a case of Wild Turkey, my Boy Meets World Boxed Set, and hid in the corner until ten minutes ago. Second? See the first excuse.
Without further adieuuuuu….
1. FUCK. YES.
2. OM NOM NOM TATE FORCIER
Man, I really hated Tate Forcier before this game. Why? I hate bad Web sites, for one- and the monstrosity that is his personal page just pisses me off. Seriously, Tate? Your name isn’t even Tate, you douchebag. You can’t just decide to change your name to sound cool. Well, I can, but I didn’t fumble the ball or throw an interception on Sautrday night.
Why else do you hate Tate Forcier? Well, his dick has got to be sorer than Andyram’s asshole after a prison sentence from the on-air blowjob he received from the announcers on Saturday night.
Newsflash, Herby and Brent – Forcier sucks. Really bad. Not Jake Christensen losing 80-10 in his last two starts against Penn State bad, but pretty bad.
Look at him, for God’s sake.
I'm so excited....and I just can't hide it...
3. TONY MOOO…..HE’S A VEGETARIAN
FUCK OUT MY WAY
Welcome back, crouching Tony, hidden vagina. It’s frustrating to no end to see you catch 10 balls on Satruday and rip off two long scores knowing that, ultimately, you’ll stub your toe tying your shoe and be out for the season. Nonetheless, thanks for coming back and saving the motherfucking day. You should probably win the Mackey, but I don’t trust you to not drop the trophy and break your leg. Stay in your bubble, please.
4. I BLACKOUTTTTTTTT
WHERE'S THE FANS LOL
The blackout looked awesome on TV. Kudos to the Iowa fanbase for finally deciding not to wear ten thousand different colors to the game because “it’s your lucky shirt that you wore when Paul Burmeister threw that touchdown.”
I currently don’t have a video editing program or the skillset to do such an edit, but there are some nice YouTube video highlight videos out there. Someone, use this song in the background. I’ll reward you with a nice slap on the ass and free beer if you show up to the next Iowa game.
5. THE AIR UP THERE
Superman used to wear number six. Now, he wears #3 and loves to JUMP AROUND
got ma cape?
-6. This High Life is for you, Ricky.
Well, you and whichever Wisconsin DB you throw the ball to on Saturday for their first touchdown. STOP FUCKING DOING THAT! Good talk.
7. HOUSE OF PAIN
Fuck Madison. Anyone scared? I’m not. Well, I’m not playing, so I shouldn’t be. But I am scared of a Wisconsin co-ed eating me whole, so that’s something.
Iowa goes up against the Hawkeye tattoo that has lost 7 of 11 games he has coached against ranked teams. Upside that announcers will use to convince you a Badger victory is assured? He’s undefeated at Noon Eastern games at Camp Randall. Guess what? The Twins were undefeated on Sundays in October leading up to their playoff loss to tha Yankees. Big fucking deal.
Iowa is going to make John Clay regret his college decision quickly.
8. So long, Urs Truly.
Paul Chaney, Jr. was lost for the year with an ACL tear this week. God speed, young son. The Hawkeye track team turns its lonely eyes to you, D’Juan Richardson. KEENAN TIME for the football squad.
9. The Hawkize bus is leaving for Madison from Des Moines around noon on Friday. Iowa City departure somewhere around 2 p.m. If you want to go (no charge), leave a message in a comment with an email address or cell phone number.
10. badger badger badger badger
dead lol!
ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!
