Iowa City, IA — Star middle linebacker Pat Angerer has been given a half-game suspension by Iowa Athletic Director Gary Barta after Angerer tore through the United States this week beating up every non-Iowa supporter in the country. “Half game suspensions seem to be the going rate these days for despicable acts of violence, so we’re jumping on that bandwagon,” announced Barta, in reference to Florida’s half-game suspension of Brandon Spikes.
At Tuesday’s press conference, when Angerer was asked for his thoughts on several national pundits’ criticism of Iowa’s success, he replied:
“It’s funny sometimes,” linebacker Pat Angerer said. “It doesn’t really matter what those guys say. I could beat up the majority of them, so I could care less.”
Little did anyone know at the time that Pat’s uber-manly comment was a sign of things to come. On Wednesday, Pat set out on a rampage with no apparent end in sight. His mission: beat up everyone who has said anything bad about the undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes this season. Angerer’s rage, which so far had been felt only by opponents on the field, boiled over in a remarkable display of violence.
Television and radio personalities such as Jim Rome, Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, Jesse Palmer and Lou Holtz were hit especially hard.
Angerer started his tirade by knocking the slobber out of Lou Holtz, as if enough slobber wasn’t coming out of him on its own.
Somebody get Lou a towel.
Angerer then moved on to one of Iowa’s newest critics, Terry Bradshaw. On Sunday, Bradshaw went on record saying the replay officials were in Iowa’s back pocket and we should be ashamed of ourselves. Angerer showed Terry what it means to get “hosed.”
"Who got hosed now, Terry? You're my boy, muahahaha."
Next, Pat appeared on Jim Rome’s ESPN show “Rome is Burning,” which ended much like Jim Everett’s infamous appearance on the show.
Pat: “If you call me Angerer-erer-erer one more time, we’re going to need to take a station break…I bet that you probably won’t say it again.”
Jim: “I bet I do, Angerer-erer-erer!”
Things didn’t end well for Jim.
You can't spell Angerer without Anger.
The greatest damage of all might have been to pretty-boy Jesse Palmer, who was punished by multiple blows to the face and mouth.
Thanks for holding Pat's rose while he beat your ass.
Angerer has since taken a different approach than Brandon Spikes and has reduced his suspension from 2 quarters to 2 seconds of game time.
“It’s funny sometimes. It doesn’t really matter what those guys [Iowa Athletic Department] say. I could beat up the majority of them, so I could care less.”
Where will he stop? Nobody knows. Just watch what you say about Pat Angerer’s undefeated football team.
ON IOWA, GO HAWKS!!!
