With the Big Ten season ending this past Saturday and the bone-head All Big Ten Media and Coaches teams released, we decided here at Hawkize to release our own all Big Ten Team.. But there is a catch, since all the greatest players in the country reside in the Big Ten this is also our All American Team. Enjoy.
Backs
QB – Ricky Stanzi, Jr. Iowa
Despite only playing 5 and 1/4 Big Ten games due to the fact he was too drunk to finish the game against Northwestern, too hungover to catch the flight to Columbus and too busy releasing his world premiere movie “New Moon” (in which he starred, directed, produced and wrote) to make it to the Minnesota game he still threw for over 5,000 yards, 126 TD’s and had a perfect 100% completion percentage.
RB – Adam Robinson, Fr. Iowa
9,990 off of 100 carries and 101 rushing TD’s. This kid is a phenom and he also was the first player in NCAA history to carry the ball 100 times and not be tackled.
RB – Brandon Wegher, Fr. Iowa
I typically only drink Coca Cola during the game, but when Brandon Wegher replaces A-Rob I pour 2 pints of Bacardi into my 16 ounce glass of Coke, because these guys not only put up the numbers, they remind of the Bacardi and Cola commercial a few years back.
Receivers
WR – Marvin Mcnutt, So. Iowa
Marvin emerged as the leader for a young Iowa receiving core, catching 50 passes for 50 TD’s … Oh, and to make things fair, he played with a blindfold on, for the entire season.
WR – Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, Jr. Iowa
Played on only 24 offensive plays this season but managed 62 receptions with 71 TD’s and become the only player in NCAA history to catch a football, place it on a spoon(on its end) and waltz into the end zone.
TE – Tony Moeaki, Sr. Iowa
You take the best receiving tight end in the country(Tony Moeaki) and combine him with the best blocking tight end in the country(Tony Moeaki), you wind up with a bone crushing, TD catching bad ass mother fucker named: TONY MOEAKI!
Lineman
LT – Bryan Bulaga, Jr. Iowa
By far the most sound lineman we’ve seen since the conception of the game of football. He allowed so few of sacks this year is actually resulted in the other teams quarterback passing out on the sideline waiting to play.. Well it was either that or the dirty looks and throat slashing gestures Pat Angerer tosses across the sidelines.
LG – Riley Reiff, Fr. Iowa
Started off the season on the bench and spending his Sunday afternoons washing Ricky Stanzi’s car. Finishes the season as the most feared man to come from South Dakota that doesn’t wear purple now.
C – Rafael Eubanks, Sr. Iowa
Finishes his Iowa career (minus one game) with 5,542 Pancake blocks, injuring 784 opposing players and accounted for 8 deaths on the field(death total of field is still unknown but expected to be in the hundreds).
RG – *Dace Richardson, Sr. Iowa
*Julian Vandervelde, Jr. Iowa
We couldn’t decide here so we decided to do it the Donovan McNabb way and opt for a tie. Dace Richardson became the only football player to play with 14 different starting quarterbacks (Vandenberg, Stanzi, Christensen, Tate, Chandler, Banks, McCann, Mullen, Reiners, Sherman, Driscoll, Burnmeister, Hartlieb, and Rodgers).
RT – Kyle Calloway, Sr. Iowa
He is not only responsible for breaking over 1,600 opposing players bones but became the first right tackle to have sex with every opposing left side defensive end’s girlfriend immediately following the game(career stat).
Special Teams
K – Daniel Murray, Jr. Iowa
Kicked a 119 yard field goal against 50 mph wind with his left foot.
Coach of the Year
Kirk Ferentz, our leader, savior and messiah. Iowa
Does this really need explanation?
That’s it, keep checking back for Mikehawk’s Hawkize.com all Big Ten Defensive Team!
