A meeting of the minds occurred on August 26, and after a few beers, some tears, and a lot of cuss words, we came to a conclusion: WE’RE BACK.
Colestal toasts while Andyram, Mikehawk and Sideshow Bob talk about the re-launch of Hawkize.
It’s not your same ole “Beer and Moaning in Las Vegas,” Hawkize. It’s not the same ole “Fuck off, Joe Paterno, you dying piece of crap,” Hawkize.
Well, yeah it is…mostly.
We’re back. And there are some slight changes and improvements we’d like to announce.
Biweekly Podcasts
Twice weekly, we’ll be engaging in podcasts. That means you can hear the voice behind the madness – and also, some vomiting and cuss words. Sunday night for sure, the other one will be Wednesday or Thursday – whenever they let Andyram out of jail. Sundays will focus on the past weekend’s action and guessing the betting lines for the next week in Big Ten and other action (we’re suckers for a good bet). The other podcast will be an unpredictable – maybe about my life and my garden, maybe about Jake Christensen and his dad. WHO KNOWS?!?! Tune in or DIE.
Weekly Features
Every week, we’ll have a day designated to a certain featured post. Andyram’s 10-4 – His top 10 and bottom 4 – will appear early in the week. Sideshow Bob’s Mailbag will appear sometime during the week (depending on the USPS), as will Colestal’s “surreal moment,” and Mikehawk’s “Jim Rome Like But Much More Offensive” rant.
Just like Ashton Kutcher, we’re fully on board the Twitter bandwagon. You may have seen a few tweets come out this week while we were working on the site. Expect regular tweets about Hawkeye news items, new posts, in-game commentary, and more. Follow us now at http://twitter.com/hawkize.
Better Commenting
The first iteration of Hawkize was plagued with the scum of the web (mostly from Ames, oddly enough) posting their moronic comments all over the place. We’ve since implemented a comment system called Disqus, which is like the Mercedes Benz of blog comment systems. To post comments, you have the option of creating a Disqus account, or using your existing Facebook or Twitter account. It’s also way easier for us to ban you, and by “you,” we mean Cyclone fans.
The same old shit that made us famous
Yeah, we’ll tone it down a little. We’ve got a few more years under our belts since our inaugural post on August 19, 2005. Remember that? It’s our version of a baby picture. Well, the baby you had before you gave us up for adoption.
So…where have we been?
Well, as for Mikehawk, I’ve been everywhere. Communist China(TWICE!), in a hottub with Kathy Bates(THREE TIMES!) and to the 2009 Outback Bowl (ten cents if you can find me.)
It’s been a long, strange road for me since Hawkize last aired. Some jerk decided it’d be funny if they spoofed an ESPN page and announced that a certain Wisconsin QB wouldn’t be playing due to lack of a brain. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel was not amused by this buffoon.
Andyram? He’s escaped the grasp of incarceration many times. Turns out he doesn’t like to be fucked by any dicks – especially the long one of the law. Could have fooled me (and everyone else you’ve ever met), Andyram. He now lives in a van down by the river and is currently studying episodes of “To Catch a Predator,” in order to beat Chris Hansen at his own game.
Colestal is the backbone of the organization. The Alex P. Keaton of our Family Ties . The George Jefferson of our white version of the Jeffersons. He’s made something of his life (he invested heavily in vicodin shortly before this announcement) and has sent the Hawkize crew back to the Internet to amuse him. Right now he’s actually whipping me with a cat of nine tails and screaming “DANCE, PUPPET! DANCE!”
Sideshow Bob (or ZoundBrigade, as you may have known him in a former life) is lost without his X-Box, which frees up dozens of hours to entertain all of you. He listens to a lot of podcasts, so expect us to copy the shit out of you, Bill Simmons. We’ll be the non-shitty, midwestern version of your east coast cast.
The underlying message here? Hawkize is back and better than ever. Our first podcast should be ready soon – equipped with our preview of the Sorry Sisters to the West. Be on the lookout for new features as they may arise – maybe a death clock for Joe Paterno, maybe a “Tweet of the Day,” brought to you by TCF BANK STADIUM VICTORY PROUD!!!! Tim Brewster.
Stay tuned, Hawk fans. It’s gonna get real. Fast. I leave you with the scene in the movie that prompted me to 1) become a man and stop shaving my legs and 2) bring the site back. Enjoy.
ON IOWA.
GO HAWKS!
