During the second half of the epic Iowa-UNI football game on Saturday, the television set in the Rhoads’ household was off.
Paul was nowhere to be found. Not watching his next opponent on television (yes, Paul, they actually televise some college football games, much to your chagrin), mind you: he was shopping, according to Sean Keeler’s Twitter account.
Keeler’s Tweet from the first-year ISU coach’s press conference read:
Rhoads on Iowa-UNI: Said wife took him shopping, so he says he missed watching 2nd half on TV.
Holy hell. Holy, holy hell. Can you imagine any professional doing this? What if General MacArthur knew the North Koreans were going to be on the radio attacking another country, also knowing that the Americans would be facing off with them at the 38th parallel next weekend? And instead of tuning in to the end of the showdown, he decided to go to the mall?
Well, I, for one, would have called him a pussy. Did you guys go to Home Depot, Paul? Bed Bath and Beyond? Did you have time?
This begs the question: What did Paul Rhoads buy on Saturday at the mall? My best guesses:
1. A pillow to sit on for the rest of the season. The cunt-punt that Iowa is going to deliver to a sold out (well, not really) Jack Trice Stadium Saturday morning will leave anyone wanting some extra comfort.
2. Plane tickets for the New Year’s weekend. God knows Paul won’t have a game to coach – and he sure as hell won’t be watching any of them on TV. I heard Minneapolis is beautiful that time of year, Rhoadsie. Maybe you and Tim Brewster can go on a double shopping date to the Mall of America? Neither of you will have anything better to do. Can’t wait to see the Tweets.
3. USC gear. That was an accident. He honestly thought he was buying a new Cyclone shirt.
4. Mustache Wax For His Old Buddy Dave Wannstedt. I will continue to make fun of Rhoads for being the DC under Wanny at Pitt. Deal with it.
5. A gun and three bullets. You k now what for. But why three bullets? The Hawks are bound to block the first two tries.
Look at all this loot, motherfucker! Screw college football...this is where the sales happen!
ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!
